how i wanted to say everything is ok.
how i wanted to feel that everything is normal.

i am not ok.
i am not normal.

-

could you be happy..happier if everyone around
thinks that you better go see a shrink.
and spend time doing your "oooouussszzzaaaaahhh".
hopefully it helps?

oh..how nice.. even got a couple of hand-me-downs
calling cards. thanks a lot!

-

i am not under anti-depressants or any of those
prescription pills that would overload cabinets.
hopefully i wont be taking those somewhere
sometime in the near friggin future.

-

ahhh...and for those who are still in the middle
of capturing what the hell im talking about.
well, i tell you. its the same old thing..same old shit.

no. no. wrong. wait. do i really need a shrink?

do i really need someone to uhmm listen all
my snags and blips and giving me those
crap on what i should and should not do about it..

why not just buy like a book..
"self-counselling for dummies"?

that would be cool. atleast
ive got something to read. and re-read.

no. i dont need a shrink. (thats two negatives so
positively concluding i have to?)

gaahhh.. *snap* *snap*. earth to me. where the hell
are you?

-

i can wreak myself with so much pain
i can do anything but kill myself.

ahh..for crying out loud. i wont be doing that
for some lame reasons.

....

that a family i used to call a family
is no longer THAT family.

that people around me just suddenly gives up.

that LETTING GO was just some fugly phony words.

that everything was just for the sake of doing
ones responsibility.

that now it has been done. there's no use of
sticking together.

that family matters NO longer to me.

-

when i was young and until now.. i still have
that recalling incident on how my mum was
in her utmost angst, told me how she never
ever wanted me in her life.

oh...i was a friggin accident, ei?

that if only she knew...she knew...it was me..
i am me. she wouldve not brought me up in this...
in this....oh well..

-

i know my family is imperfect..of course.
who is? who are?

but i never thought..i never did.. in my
most infinitesimal idea in my entire lapsing sanity
that it would come into this situation.

-

ahhh..and this is what they call life.